2010
Apparently, it’s the norm to do these ‘wrap up last year in a post’ things. But a major part of me rebels against this. Not only do I find it contrived, but the introspection and reflection it brings out in people is something I do almost on a weekly (and sometimes on a daily) basis. The long distance view it imposes is not something I like. My goals are modest and short-term. But despite all this, I will take some time out and list out a few of things that made my year and the lessons learned from it.
For perhaps the first time in my life, I was brave. Truly brave. Not only did I quit my job, I made a conscious decision not to look for permanent work. I wanted to take time off and indulge in the many passions that were sadly neglected by being a cubicle monkey and corporate slave. So the travels began and photographs were taken and writing was done and the kitchen became my playground.
Lesson: You are not brave enough until you do the think you always wanted to do. Once you do, you are the bravest person in the whole wide world. Also, Human Resources people can go suck it.
I battled (and am still battling) bipolar disorder. For better part of a year, I was on drugs and a ‘see a shrink every two weeks’ schedule. But in late May, I decided to chuck both of them out the window and deal with whatever comes on my own. It was hard (and still is), but I believe I am a better person for it. My emotional spectrum swings are less common now and when they do happen, I know how to deal with it better. The absence of a safety net does wonders.
Lesson: Own up and deal with it. No flib-flubbing and no bull shit. If you are screwed, it means you are screwed. Truths are easier to remember while lies are harder to deal with.
Sidvee beautifully sums up a part of my life this year that perhaps has done more to change me than anything else. Twitter. It is no exaggeration that without it I might not be here - I might have been a raving, drug peddling alcoholic. I met the most wonderful people, shared pictures, songs, thoughts, my idiosyncrasies and everything else in between. And some of these people, I think, are set to be friends for life. It blew the lid of my bollocky belief that people you ‘meet’ on the internet can’t be real ‘friends’.
Lesson: Friends are friends, no matter where they come from.
Anyway, a year on I do not know if I’ve become a better, better person. I do not know if I am any closer to what I want. I do not know if I am closer to knowing what I want. I do not know if I am further from where I wanted to be or closer, but I know that I have graduated a level.
I also know that I have made a difference in some people’s lives, and that I have let go what was falling. I’ve learned to see spaces and distance in what was once a jumbled mess. I’ve learned to take images where only pictures existed, I’ve learned to write where only thoughts existed, I’ve learned to add salt to dishes were only spice existed and I’ve learnt that there’s much distance to be traveled to places I’ve already been.
